She cried and yelled out how angry she is that I hold her down, that I don’t give her the light of day. That I am embarrassed by her. That I think she is a ninny and totally in the way. She said she has all kinds of strategies she uses with me, she makes me scattered and distracted, she keeps me off course. She doesn’t want me to get hurt or misuse power.
I had a guide working with me. There was something in me that wanted to give birth. I was in a squatting position, it was trying to come through. In that moment I saw my guide as a witch, a very powerful witch. She saw that this scared part of me was blocking the birth.
The real part of me was a witch and was connected to mother earth and listening to her with my hands and womb and lower chakras and hearing her. Moving with her, listening to her to what most wanted to come through…. Powerful birther of worlds and universes. MoonBear woman. This me, disdains the vulnerable shaky trembling nervous and scared part of myself. She is embarrassed by how weak she is.
I told the scared self how I felt about her, how she embarrassed me. How I really did hate her. That I didn’t want her in my life. How I pushed her down and suppressed her on purpose.
Then I let myself step into her, the scared self giving her a voice. She turned to me and spoke again. This time she told me she loved me. She was the vulnerable part of me, the part I didn’t like but if I am to be love I needed to love all that is and accept all parts of me. She was here to teach me about the deepest essence of pure love. Being able to love all that is and accept all that is. Not try to change, edit or manipulate or fix anything. Simply to love.
I then named her Little Leaf. Because she trembles like a leaf. She makes my knees shake sometimes.
I needed to bring her back up into the light and into my consciousness. Into my heart. When I asked her what she wanted she said a throne, a crown and a scepter. I also gave her an ermine robe to wear.
There was a place where she had merged into the real me and I had no power because she hid in me. It was truly about separating ourselves from each other that I could stand in my true power and I could love her. Her power came from me being embarrassed by her and not acknowledging her. Trying to hide her from other people so they wouldn’t see me as weak or wimpy or a frightened little girl.
I felt such love and gratitude for her and how she loved me so deeply she did all she could to protect me.
My guide told me it would be really powerful to make or buy a Little Leaf doll. Bring her to the present and into this reality. To spend time with her each day and to see her and love her. She is not me. But she is also energetically real and I need to simply see her and love her.
It isn’t necessary to have a guide to meet your own scared and frightened part. You can simply take some quiet uninterrupted time to be by yourself. Imagine a large round table and at all the chairs around the table are many aspects of you. Parts of you. Ask for the frightened scared part to make herself/himself known. Then be in dialogue with each other. Make that part visible by making or buying a doll to represent this frightened aspect. Spend time loving that part and giving attention.
Remember the truth of who you are is simply love – your divine self. Living in this physical world we have all these parts that affect our life and how we operate. Loving them not trying to get rid of them is what creates integration and wholeness.
Also I wanted to let you know I am going to be doing a Spanish language
immersion in Oaxaca until the 1st of April. My blog posts will not be
coming out weekly during this time, I am hoping to be able to get them
out bi-monthly. Love and light, Kathleen