The Autumn Equinox and the new moon in Libra have just taken place. Astrologically what is up is creating new ways for doing relationship and partnership. Libra, the woman standing with the scales shows us balance. Consciously creating real and true partnership. This is a time to redefine our relationships. It often takes major breakdowns for us to have the breakthroughs that we need. This has certainly been the case for me this week with my family of origin.
Both of my grandfathers dealt with alcoholism in their life. My parents had very challenging childhoods. My father who could be warm and funny and was very bright and handsome could also turn into a violent monster in the blink of an eye. Home was not a place you could trust to be safe. We also did not have a model for healthy communication. Although I must say I don’t think many families in the 50’s had a good model for communicating. Ours was one of violent outbursts or withdrawal. Both polarities! Now is the time for a middle way from the heart.
In the last few years it seems like much of our family dysfunction that has been deeply buried has made its way up to the surface. There have been breakdowns between family members that haven’t been dealt with and have resulted in much distance within our family. For the past year and a half our Mother has been dealing with severe pain in her leg and back that hasn’t been able to be healed.
Life is full and busy. Dealing with major family issues seemed too overwhelming for me to even think of tackling. It was something to put off for later. However, in deep meditations what was coming through to me was a need to communicate to the whole family. What resulted was the following letter. I am including most of the letter just taking out a few personal things to specific people.
“ Dear family,
Feels like a lot of family pain is now out of the unconscious realm and up front where it can be seen and dealt with. I feel like Mom has been holding ancestral pain in her body as well as our family pain. I know people can roll their eyes at my being “out there” or “weird” but I truly feel this is a moment in time where we can heal some deep family pain.
It is not just our family but the human race that has been in such deep pain. I see all of your hearts and they are pure beautiful hearts and so sensitive. I think we each feel like the pain we carry is “ours” and everyone else is happy and free from it. I have carried such deep pain my entire life and I have felt so alone. I know we all have our similar pain.
All families carry some sort of pain. But I feel for some reason we all came from especially deep pain. Mom with her dad an alcoholic in a small Mormon town and not having money, being so poor. (her parents divorcing when she was three). The shame. We have all carried so much shame.
I want to thank mom for being such an incredibly strong and courageous woman. For all she has gone through and how she takes care of herself and keeps a full life not being needy or dependent. I feel Aunt LaVonne carried a deep ancestral pain and died with it. I feel like we have this second chance…… that we can heal the grievances we have with each other and let go of the past and come forward in love and support for each other. It doesn’t mean “pretending” all is fine. But saying what our hurt is with someone and then what we would like to ask from that person, what we need. And to know the other person has a similar hurt or we wouldn’t be in conflict.
There are many grievances that haven’t been healed from the past few years and new ones that have come up recently. And it seems all families are involved.
…..(here I made two personal apologies and a request from one family member)
When I would come home for Christmas instead of feeling joy from some members of the family that I was there I would feel an “oh God she’s here”. My heart would ache when I came home and so I decided not to come at Christmas.
Mom being so poor growing up, I became like an alter ego for her and my material (success) has caused (bad) feelings I believe because it is something mom wants and something others can’t give but each of you give love and I don’t know if you feel your love is fully seen and valued as much as the material. I just wanted to say that to put it out in the open so it can be seen and released.
I don’t know how we go about with the healing process but would LOVE if each one holds it in our hearts and comes up with some ideas. I feel like we can let go of the past and start anew NOW! Imagine how great it would feel to be held in love and feel appreciated and valued.
I am hoping this is an opening and a place to start for healing to begin. My request is if we could say what hurts within us and not say how “horrible” someone else is and go into a big story. And remember what we see in each other could only be seen if we also have that same thing in us.
Maybe the best gift in the universe we could give mom and each other this year would be LOVE and true healing. And what we do not only affects us and our family but all people. We are all connected.
I love all of you dearly,
I am happy to share that this letter created a tremendous response and outpouring of love and alignment within my family. My mother , who never cries, said she cried all afternoon with joy after reading the letter. It is clear we all want to create a new way to love, respect and be with each other. We now move into the next step on HOW to do this.
I believe if we want peace on Earth we must first start with our own self and start with our own family. We are all part of the whole, like a hologram. What we do affects the whole. The only place we really can start is right where WE are.
One of the side benefits that I didn’t even realize when creating the Guiding Signs 101 cards is that they promote healthy communication. The cards can be used with a partner, family setting, in groups or with friends. The card that is chosen comes from you and is in resonance to your question. This creates a deep authenticity and brings up what is present for you to be shared. It has been really beautiful and profound sharing the cards with friends and seeing the perfection of the cards that are chosen and the opening they create for deeper authentic conversation. The cards are a great tool for keeping the lines of communication clear; so things don’t need to breakdown to create breakthroughs!